Articles and Books About Dating and Finding Love

Here are some articles and books we find interesting. We hope you will too!

Articles

1. “The Tinder Age” We think you will find interesting – just to keep you up to date on what’s going on in areas you may have heard about. http://usat.ly/2dPOJmp

2. What is “supposed” to happen on dates that we think you will find interesting – and bring back the “age of chivalry.” http://elitedai.ly/2ekTqoe

3. Why it is important to share your ideas and beliefs about morality and your own values when on a date. http://bit.ly/1GoRItn

4. Why aging has its own upside, and the fact that life never goes on a straight trajectory. http://huff.to/1jwm4vA

5. The phenomenon known as “ghosting” – a painful experience to be sure and (sadly) more common in the digital age. http://bit.ly/2dW4B4a

6. A study done by the well-known psychologists John and Julie Gottman on the issue of responding to the (often simple looking) requests from the other person; a phenomenon he calls “emotional bids.” During this time of family gatherings, it is important to be sensitive to the emotional bids of family, friends and yes, new partners. http://bit.ly/2e8CBgD

7. The Boston Globe. A Boston College instructor who is teaching a course about spirituality and relationships is giving course credit for her students’ going out on dates! It’s everywhere and at every stage of life. Meeting people with an eye toward finding love still takes courage and initiative. http://bit.ly/2dnf60o

8. Matchmaker and relationship coach Bela Ghandi, “Get Your Profile In Shape For 2016” http://bit.ly/2dnhB2U

9. Amy Cuddy, a well-known Harvard psychologist who has fascinating insights about communication and relationships that I think you will find interesting and useful. http://read.bi/2d9XqXB

10. It is natural to expect results within a “reasonable” amount of time when you are putting yourself out there and taking the risk of going on dates with new people, and being on line, which for many older adults is a big step in itself. Here is a recent article we think applies to any age group looking for love in the current dating climate. This woman’s story is a reminder that patience, persistence and never losing sight of your own values can pay off with big results. http://read.bi/2dfbGtp

11. The New York Times article that confirms what “conventional wisdom” has accepted, namely that it’s a small, small world. The research at Columbia went even further than the original Milgram research – which was for the US only, and sent email connections internationally, with the same basic number of connections required for any two individuals to meet. Facebook has shrunken the world further, and as more people sign up, my guess is that the shrinking will continue. http://nyti.ms/1KeeneL

12. Wall Street Journal: online dating “at any age.” The drive for connection obeys its own rules and ignores conventional stereotypes about whether dating and the search for love has time limits – it doesn’t. http://on.wsj.com/1QccXBR

13. The Economist article that describes some of the trends in online dating from a market point of view. We all place filters on our online vettings – whether conscious or unconscious – and including new variables to aid in the search could make the searching more targeted and useful. http://econ.st/1ScUczx

14. The perils of texting. Texting is part of the new communication form for relationships and its mismanagement has caused countless heartaches. But it’s here to stay and learning how to use it – or not use it- properly is a must. http://bit.ly/1WDryqB

15. The question we often hear is “Should women reach out to men online first, or wait for him to respond to your online profile? Here is an interesting study from OK Cupid that tries to answer the issue with some data that supports the fact that women need to reach out first to maximize the number of responses from men. http://bit.ly/1Q3qtmy

16. An interesting report from the Pew Research Center on the current usage of online dating across the country. As you can see, the stigma of online dating is quickly disappearing. More and more people are using this technology, and it is becoming the norm as an ever increasing number of singles are reaping the benefits of this powerful technology. http://pewrsr.ch/1raAsSV

17. A treat, if you haven’t heard it: Peggy and John Gray (“Men are from mars and Women are from Venus”) have an interesting discussion about our favorite topic – Dating and loving relationships. Podcast: Great Love Debate; John Gray and Peggy Wolman discuss dating over 50, April 2016. Peggy is introduced at 34.06 http://bit.ly/1oRAPzZ

18. The persistence needed for online dating. It’s understandable that people become frustrated and discouraged, but the process can, and has, worked well for many singles – of all ages. http://bit.ly/1rcKnqs

19. We often talk about the patience required to find that special someone. Whether you are writing your online profile or deciding where to go new to meet new people, we all need the time to be creative. Here is a wonderful video that reminds us that “you can’t hurry love.” http://bit.ly/1YwbJCY

20. Peggy and Richard interviewed Helen Fisher to discuss her views on dating, compatibility and what she calls, “The Anatomy of Love.” Helen is the head social scientist for Match.com and is an internationally recognized anthropologist whose theories about human personality structure combine personality with brain chemistry. Helen has a personality test that you can try for free – millions have taken it already. We are always looking for new opportunities for insight and self -reflection and so you might want to try this one. http://bit.ly/2dZQWIq

21. Peggy and Richard were recently included in a piece from CBS.com about “Love and Sex in Later Life,” and I’m including the link here. Hope you enjoy it. http://cbsn.ws/1WeWv7W

22. The science of attraction is a fascinating one. Many times we hear, “Nope, not my type – I’m just not attracted…” Or, “My friends don’t think he is particularly good looking, but I’m very attracted to him.” Here is an article that appeared in Time with some interesting and counterintuitive findings. http://ti.me/28Z8Vxs

23. Often, you can learn a lot about what someone is thinking by being aware of body language on your dates, or word choices used to express emotion or intention. To find out why, take a look at this YouTube video of the body language expert Janine Driver, whom we were fortunate to spend time with at a matchmaking and dating coaching conference. She gave a fascinating and useful talk on how to understand non-verbal behavior. Janine Driver works in the area of criminal behavior, but her techniques are applicable to everyone, because we all use our body and words to convey what we feel – sometimes intentionally and consciously, sometimes unconsciously. http://bit.ly/2bVXPNw

24. Many clients are unsure of how or when the topic of spirituality can be introduced into the conversation on a date – first second and so on. We have noticed that one of the current trends in stating religious preferences on various questionnaires or in person is the phrase, Spiritual but not Religious.” Here is a very interesting article on the topic from the New York Times that may interest you. http://nyti.ms/2cwFulE

25. Expression is, as we all know, an important variable in the interpersonal world, particularly in the world of dating. Here is an interesting article that might provoke some conversation: “Happy guys finish last: The impact of emotion expressions on sexual attraction.” http://bit.ly/2cWJq1u

Books

1. Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find–and Keep–Love  ~Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, 2012

2. Why Him? Why Her?: How to Find and Keep Lasting Love ~Helen Fisher, 2010

3. Thinking with Your Soul: Spiritual Intelligence and Why It Matters ~Richard N. Wolman, Ph.D., 2001

4. Find a Husband After 35: (Using What I Learned at Harvard Business School) ~Rachel Greenwald, 2004

5. Have Him at Hello: Confessions from 1,000 Guys About What Makes Them Fall in Love . . . Or Never Call Back ~Rachel Greenwald, 2010

6. Modern Romance ~Aziz Ansari and Eric Klinenberg, 2015

7. Rising Strong ~Brené Brown

8. Love at First Click: The Ultimate Guide to Online Dating ~Laurie Davis, 2013

9. The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are ~Brené Brown

 

Love in the Time of COVID 😷Love Matters - September 2020

Conventional wisdom would suggest that looking for love in the midst of the anxiety, fear, uncertainty and danger of the Tsunami of Covid is so beyond the bandwidth of the average person struggling to manage children and/or parents, preserve an income, and stay safe, that the notion is laughable.

We sequester and work from home....