“Holiday Emotions” – Love Matters, December 2016

For most of us, the Holidays and the New Year evoke an assortment of emotions: gratitude, kindness and love, joy, peace, busy-ness, spirituality, loneliness, and hope are some of the major players that come to mind. We’ve been thinking about how you might use these emotions to motivate yourself, lift your spirits and become a successful dater in 2017 – and perhaps meet your someone special.

All of us at Peggy Wolman Matchmaking would first like to express our gratitude to each of you for being part of our community and our lives. Thank you for the privilege of helping you in your search for love.

Kindness, while you are searching for love is essential. We have noticed that “ghosting” is an increasingly popular trend in dating. “Ghosting” means going on a date and even though you know you don’t want to see your date again, you, or your date, tells each other that you are looking forward to meeting again.

And then… one of you disappears without a word!

So, if you think you and your date are not a good fit, please make it a rule to find a kind, straightforward way to tell him or her something like, “I enjoyed meeting you. But, I don’t think we’re a good fit. You are a nice guy, or lovely woman, (add something complimentary), and I hope you find your special someone. I hope we both do.” Be honest and kind. Do what you say you’re going to do. You deserve respect and kindness, and so does your date.

For the week surrounding the New Year, whether you’ve had a challenging day or a satisfying one, or a pleasant date or a disappointing one, consider taking a deep breath, then pause, and wish someone a Happy New Year. This small gesture accompanied by a warm smile will add joy to your day.

This is also the perfect time of year on first dates to share how much you value peace throughout the world. Let your date know that you believe in acceptance and mutual respect for all people and, as the basis of a meaningful relationship. This statement will invite your date to consider the relevance and thoughtfulness of this topic, and will instantly create a caring and thoughtful mood.

Keeping busy during the holidays has its benefits and drawbacks. For some, adding a lot of “to-dos” to our lives can feel burdensome. For others, the time away from our everyday routine, to decorate our homes, cook, shop, send cards and give gifts can be uplifting and create a sense of connection and personal accomplishment, in addition to our work. Just stepping back to recognize our busy-ness, and how it affects us can have a calming effect.

For many of you, this is a spiritual time of year. Many of you have taken Richard’s Spirituality Inventory and share our belief that we are all spiritual, just the way we all have personalities – yet each of us expresses our spirituality in personal and unique ways. Whether you meditate, do Yoga, sing, dance, pray, or support the miracles of modern medicine, this is the time of year to pause and reflect upon how we share our spiritual selves with the people we care about, and with men or women you meet for the first time, or are dating.

Loneliness over the Holidays needs to be acknowledged. Perhaps you miss your parents or your children. For single men and women, especially those of you who many not be dating or are not currently in a relationship, this time of year might evoke sadness or a sense of feeling alone. We know how discouraging it can feel when you are working hard offline and online to find your special someone and it hasn’t happened yet. We believe that if you step back, and claim your confidence in yourself, your sense of empowerment – that you can counter-punch loneliness by staying proactive and patient. None of us is alone. We are all connected – our mission is to find meaning in a gesture or an activity to connect ourselves with each other.

Hope is the foundation of our lives; during the Holidays and every day. No matter what the political climate, or the professional or personal hardships that befall us, hope is the human expression of love and being loved that gives our lives strength and meaning.

2017 will be upon us shortly. Finding love within ourselves will radiate to others and give each of us the added nourishment to grow and live fuller lives.

Love and Happy New Year!